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Spoiler Alert… I’m not a happy camper.

Birchbox finally got with the program last month, and now we’re back to square one.

Birchbox I’ve been so bored with my monthly subscriptions recently, that I don’t even check the mail anymore.  I didn’t check it for like two weeks, so when I saw a little box I was excited.  That lasted for about 45 seconds.  I knew this was a lame box as soon as I opened it.  There’s not even one full-sized product.  Needless to say, this will be one of my review/rants… and once I get myself started, I kind of can’t stop (my bad).

Was my Birchbox worth $10 this month?… Maybe, but I would’ve rather had a #1 with no pickles and onions from McDonald’s.  Here’s what I got:

Beauty Protector, Protect & Detangle: Full Size $21.95

Beauty Protector

Okay, this packaging was cute… but I hate red and black together.  This was the largest sample in my box, and it was a bit on the small side.  I can always use a leave in conditioner, even though I have a bathroom cabinet full of them.  This actually smells amazing, exactly like summer (and it makes me mad because I’m not at the beach).  It seems to work just fine.  I’ll definitely use this up, but I would never buy leave in conditioner for $21… bitch please, Herbal Essence gets the job done for under $5.

COOLA, Classic Face SPF 30: Full Size $32

Coola

Yuck.  First off, I like my SPF around a 4… I’m pasty and need all the sun I can get.  Second, I don’t trust organic SPF.  Third, this shizz smelled bad.  I got a hint of cucumber, but there was something really nature-y (I know, I sound ridic) almost like an oatmeal smell.  Whateves, I didn’t like the scent.  I like eating salads, but not smelling like them (or tossing them).  This sample will probably expire before I even consider using it.

Isaac Mizrahi, Fabulous: Full Size $20 – $69

FabulousPerfume samples are the worst, you can only get like 5 little squirts out of them.  Why can’t everyone just make their perfume samples rollerballs?  Anyway, aside from the size totally sucking, this perfume smelled trés fabulous.  I loved this scent.  It’s clean, I can smell a hint of jasmine, and it’s sexy.  I have nothing bad to say about this perfume.

Sumita, Color Contrast Eyeliner: Full Size $21 (for 4 mini pencils… WTF)

SumitaI can’t even tell what the hell color this is.  It looks brown to me, but the bottom of the eyeliner appears to be eggplant.  I need to know what color I’m putting on my face, before I put it on.  I don’t know if you can sharpen this pencil, so that upsets me.  What am I supposed to do when the tip isn’t sharp enough, buy more mini pencils?… No thanks.  The texture of the eyeliner was smooth (similar to Covergirl Liquiline), it was really easy to apply.  And the staying power … that was some serious business.  I was trying to rub the swatch off of my skin, and it would not come off.  This is a pretty good product, but I can’t wear it.  Not knowing if this is purple or brown will literally drive me insane.

Birchbox Find… A Pen

Pen

How lame.  Usually, my Birchbox find is like the best thing in my box.  How can you be excited for a pen?  This one isn’t even that cool, and the ink is pink.  Who writes in pink ink (besides Elle Woods)?… Not this professional person.  I wouldn’t even like this pen if it was blue or black, I like my pens like I like my animals…

Fat

Fat.

Although this was pretty bitchy, I still love Birchbox.  I secretly enjoy getting a bad box, because I love popping off.  What monthly subscriptions do you Frockers get?  Were you happy with them this month?

Frock You*

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