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Here’s a few thoughts that ran through my head during the Grammys/red carpet…

Red Carpet

  • I loved Sarah Hyland’s messy updo, romantic perfection.
  • I thought that Rita Ora looked like she was wearing toxic waste from Fern Gully, not feelin it.
  • Giuliana should have worn the white and black dress that she had on in the red carpet promo.
  • Katy Perry looked like she was five, and her hair looked like a pastry.  I didn’t like that Valentino on the runway, and I don’t like it on her.
  • Loved Taylor Swift’s dress, but I bet it hurt to sit in.  She wasn’t jammin in the audience, she was just adjusting her dress.
  • Ciara looked amazing, but did anyone see her hands?  They were a different color from her face and chest.
  • Amber Rose is so poised, WTF is she doing with Wiz.
  • I hate the mani cam.
  • Madge looked like such an ass.  I would be so embarrassed if I was her kid… matching cowboy hats and a grill, awful.
  • Pink’s skin looked sickening, but that red dress was so not her.
  • OMG Pharrell’s hat.
  • Ariana Grande’s hair was eating her alive, she looked like a my little pony.  Girlfriend needs a haircut.
  • I’m unsure about how I feel about Paris’s dress.  I want to like it, but I think I don’t.
  • Colbie Calliet, that is not your dress girl.  I would’ve loved to see that dress on Rihanna in white, back when she was in her elegant phase (with the short pixie cut).
  • Sara Bareilles looked like she was going to homecoming circa 2003… bad hair choice, similar to my own homecoming hair.
  • I’m obsessed with Macklemore’s crushed velv tux, he looked amazing… so did Ryan Lewis.  They were by far my best dressed.

Macklemore

  • Where the hell were Miley, Rihanna, and Gaga?… I was dying to see what they would wear, and they were MIA.  I can only hope that someone issued an Amber Rose Alert.
  • Ross is beyond obnoxious, he’s too much for me.

The Show

  • The first text that I sent when the Grammys started was, OMG wet Beyoncé.

Beyonce

  • I proceeded to state that I need to get some moves like Beyoncé.  Bey looked amazing, that ass is perfection.  I also learned that my phone’s auto correct has the word Beyoncé, with the accent mark.
  • I want to be friends with Anna Kendrick, she’s adorable.
  • Lorde looks like she’s 40, she looks like she could be Kylie Jenner’s mom.  She also made me very uncomfortable during her performance, I thought she was having a seizure.  Her nails were a hot mess, it looked like she had trouble lighting a candle.  In conclusion, the only Lord that I like is Lord Disick.
  • I liked Katy P’s performance, although I was scared the broomstick poles were going to break.  She’s really pretty and I want to like her… but I don’t.
  • Pharrell was seriously everywhere, and my texting group and I were dying at the hat.  So much so, that we played a drinking game… Every time the hat popped up, you had to take a shot #HatWatch #HatShot

Pharrell's Hat

  • Kendrick Lamar looked like he was wearing a dance costume tux.
  • Hot damn, Miranda Lambert lost some serious weight.  She looked good… so did Blake.
  • What the hell was up with Keith Urban’s bangs, someone please get this man to a hair stylist.  Aside from the bangs, his performance wasn’t bad… he was like seriously rocking out.
  • I love Taylor Swift, but she needs to lean how to be a gracious loser… you can’t win everything.  Tay has the bitchiest losing faces, come on girl put on a pageant smile.  I also hated her performance.  The dress was fierce, but throwing your body around while playing piano is not cute.
  • Pink is everything.  She is so strong, if I was her husband I would be really scared of her.
  • Jared Leto is super pretty.
  • Metallica?… yuck.  That lead singer looked like the type of guy that lights animals on fire, he will give me nightmares for the next year.
  • How sick were the Imagine Dragons + Kendrick Lamar?  I don’t even like them, and I was into that performance.  I mean, aggressive drum banging is my thing.
  • The performance of the night was Mack/Ryan + Madonna + The Queen, faux sho.  I loved everything about the performance with the exception of Madge.  She looked like she had to go #2 the whole time, I guess she was bitter that she was hired as the wedding singer.  Queen Latifah is flawless, and the perfect wedding officiant.  Ryan Lewis has the best man hair, and Mack rocked the shit out of that bolo.  Best wedding(s) ever.

I can’t wait for Fashion Police tonight, until then… I will enjoy memes of Pharrell’s hat.

What did you love (or hate) about the Grammys last night?

Get Your Frock On*

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