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It is with great sadness that I inform you that this will be my final Birchbox review.

March Birchbox

When I first started getting Birchbox (2 or 3 years ago) the samples that I received were trendy and cool.  I would get eyeliner, blush, highlighter, makeup, everything.  For the past six or so months, the stuff that I’ve been getting seems to be geared towards someone much older.  I feel like I’m getting cougar samples.  I also haven’t been into the majority of the samples, it’s like Birchbox doesn’t get me the way that Lena Dunham does.  So, I had to break up with them.  Here’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.

DDF, Ultra-Lite Oil-Free Moisturizing Dew

Moisturizer

I’m not exactly sure what a moisturizing dew is, I assume this is just like any other moisturizer.  This is a pretty large sample, and it has the consistency of a facial serum.  I feel like dew should be more of a facial mist… like morning dew drops.  I don’t love this, but I don’t hate it.  I’ll def use it all up, but I’ll stick to my good old Ponds.

Gilchrist & Soames, London Collection Body Lotion 

Spring Lotion

This bottle is très chic, it looks luxurious.  The lotion itself was alright, and it did smell amazing.  The thing with lotion is that I’m a lotion abuser, I cover my whole body in it twice a day… so $16 for a bottle of lotion is mental to me.  I would definitely buy this if I was rich bitch, but until then I’ll settle for Eucerin or VS lotion.

Coola, Tinted Matte SPF 30 for Face

BB Cream

I seriously hate this brand.  I think their regular sunscreen is disgusting and watery and smelly, which made me not like this just because of the name.  When I went to try it out, the whole tube was filled with air… there was only a pea sized amount in this tube. That actually made me mad, like what the hell.  I didn’t even like the BB cream anyway, it was completely sheer.  It did nothing for me.

Ojon, Damage Reverse

Hair Repair

I thought this was shampoo and tossed it aside, then I realized it was some sort of product.  I have yet to try this, because it seems like way too much work.  You have to warm it with your hands until it turns into an oil and then distribute it through hair… okay I guess it’s really not that much work.  After applying you have to wait for 20 minutes before washing, that’s what’s hard for me.  I guess I could try it and take a bath, but I don’t want to miss out on any good TV.

English Laundry, No. 7

Spring Scent

One thing that I won’t miss about Birchbox is fragrance samples.  I never want to test something that I might not like, so I try the samples right before I shower.  If I end up liking the scent, the little sample is such a pain to keep around that I just throw it away.  This one actually smells amazing.  It’s warm and clean at the same time.  I’d love to smell like this every day, but $90 for pufume is cray… I hope Rite Aid comes out with like a fake aerosol version “If you like English Laundry No. 7, you’ll love Folded Laundry No. 9).

Ghirardelli, Cherry Tango

Chocolate

Luckily, it wasn’t warm enough to melt chocolate in the mailbox this week.  This wasn’t bad, but it’s not what I gravitate towards.  I prefer the Ghiradelli sea salt + dark choc + almonds.

The Verdict

Not feeling it.  It was really hard for me to unsubscribe due to FOMO (fear of missing out).  Now I’m concerned that the April box is going to be the bomb, and I won’t have it.  Birchbox has amazing customer service and points systems, I think it was also like the original subscription.  I’m sure a lot of this shizz is high quality, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea.

I’m going to have to pour some out for da homie tonight.

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